Good times....

Just as a warning, this post is mainly for myself more than anyone. Every day the quotes I try to remember are numerous, and I'm realizing if I don't document some of them I wont have anything to look back on when I want to reminisce about my first taste of life as a PT. For those that are interested, I tried to keep the abbreviations to a minimum, but just in case...pt means patient and CI is my clinical instructor, the therapist that I shadow/that shadows me now that I am just a few short weeks from being done. Some of these quotes may not seem too funny written out of context, but trust me, you would've enjoyed being a fly on the wall....

Me to patient laying in bed: "So Peggy, ya ready for therapy?"

Peggy, eyes closed: "Just let me sleep"

Me, cheery as ever: "Of course! Right after you are finished with me you have the whole afternoon to just do as you please!"

Peggy, one eye open: "Shoot me in the head and just leave me to die."

And at the end of our session as I'm wheeling her back into the room...

Me, still peppy as all hell: "So, where should I leave ya? Do you want to get back into bed, stay in the chair....?"

Peggy: "Just push me to a corner and let me die!"

As pt is on the toilet informing me and my CI she's ready to be wiped...

My CI: "Why don't you give it a shot..."

Pt: "DO NOT AGGRAVATE ME RIGHT NOW! YOU THINK I LIKE ASKING PEOPLE TO WIPE MY ASS?!"

Which I thought was a very good point, meaning I am one wiped butt closer to being a real physical therapist.

Julie to me, upon asking her to sit up in bed for therapy: "You are a mean, mean person."

Julie, after I agreed, and then insisted that she get up anyways: "The man who marries you had better watch out!"

Me: "Why, 'because I'll boss him around?"

Julie: "Yup."

Me: "Well Julie, maybe that's why I'm still single."

Patient, upon meeting her night nurse and telling him she would rather have a woman take care of her:

"I didnt want to hurt his feelings, but do you really think there are other women here who'd be okay with a BLACK man helping them shower?"

I must admit I was just speechless. Blunt racism is not something I am used to encountering, apparently.

Virgi, most articulate 94 year old ever (see facebook for visual): "I need my kerchief on, I don't want to look like the witch of Endor!" Which prompted a lesson on famous witches in literature....

Virgi: "I feel like my backside is protruding..."

Nurse: "honey, all our backsides are protruding!"

(For the record, she was in a hospital gown at the time, and quite accurate in regards to the state of her rear end.)

Patient who rarely speaks words at a time let alone sentences, 30 seconds before poop hit the floor during a treatment session: "I seem to be farting a lot."

You don't say.....

My CI, discussing the importance of fall prevention to a husband who's 70 year old wife had a stroke: "The last thing we want is the two of you on the floor together"

Husband: "I dont know, we could have a lot of fun down there...."

Louie, one of my favorite patients ever: "This morning I bullshitted the doc. I got em real good! I pulls em into the bathroom while I'm pissin and says 'So doc, how's this coumadin (blood thinner) gonna affect my sex life, I mean, can I still get it on with the neighbor lady or what?' He got all serious and tells me there's risks with my medication, I don't want to strain myself...didnt realize till I'ze laughin that I was pullin his leg!"

Patient to someone on the phone: "I gotta go, there's two gals here from physical therapy here: one young, one....not so young"

Me: "Oh, your granddaughter's gonna be here next week? Are we gonna like her?"

Mildred (whose bilateral knee surgery I watched!): "NO!"

Me: "So, are you in any pain?"

Mildred: "I feel like there's a fistfull of pens jammed up my rectum!"

Me: "Right then. Let's try standing shall we?"